I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
