Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
