Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
