Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
