Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
