ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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