I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
