Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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