If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
