Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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