I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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