And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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