I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
