i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize