she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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