Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
