I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
