Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
