he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
