I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize