oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
