You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
