I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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