So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
