Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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