WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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