I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
