Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
