Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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