You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
