Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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