sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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