Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
