what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
