Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
