I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
