careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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