I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
