I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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