Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
