I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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