dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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