How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i love accidental penises.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
