That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
