a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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