just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
