If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
