Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
