almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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