He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize