she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
