Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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