none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
