So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
