Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
