No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
