i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
