I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
