My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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