There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
