They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
