you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
