This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
