is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
