Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He did a backflip because drugs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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