Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
