you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
