A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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