sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
