I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
