And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
