I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
